partytime

fun night. fun day too, in a wierd way. i QUIT the flush/cleanse/fast - and started the return-to-sugar party pronto. they recommend you break your fast with juice for the first day and then gradually work your way up to salad two days later (?!?). i went straight for the chocolate peanut butter bar that my sister sent me in the mail (along with the running clothes that i'd accidentally left at her house in jersey. it's like one of those target ads: junkfood. running clothes. junkfood. running clothes.) yum. and then i baked THREE desserts. "to bring to a party." but really i just friggin MISSED PREPARING FOOD and was makin up for lost time. i love LOVE (!) preparing food. and eating food. and sharing food. etc. ILOVEFOOD. so quitting was a good start to the day. then over to a dinner party hosted for some friends who are visiting from vancouver. i was the only single person there and only one of three individuals not attached to a kid. that's cool.

oh yeah, for the record, i made:
1) peanut butter cookies with choc chips - they are so delicious and the recipe is SO easy: 1 cup PB, 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp bkg soda, 1 egg. THAT'S IT! [okay and i add choc chips]. bake at 350 for 10 minutes.
2) coconut cardamom rice pudding. that was good, first time i made it.
3) nasty cupcakes. that i didn't bring with me. they're still in my fridge (along with leftovers of the other 2!) if anyone wants some...

alright so then i went downtown to see if any movies were about to start at the Nick and saw Shortbus. have you seen this film? i walked in a minute or two after it'd started, down the (nearly full) theatre's center aisle to a huge image of a naked guy doing what was basically a yoga plow pose - the one where you're on your back with your feet over your head - straining to get his penis to reach his mouth (eventually he succeeded!). i felt a little like a perv walkin in to a peep show, by mySELF no less. there was more hardcore sex in that movie than in any i've ever seen. in a theatre. it was very interesting and the characters were engaging and the dialogue was so natural - really well written, but there's a part of me that does think the sex got a weeeee bit grauitous. or maybe i'm just a prude. [not that i didn't enjoy it - but you know how it is when it feels like a director is just jerking off a little in his choice of scenes? and i do mean that figuratively in this case] anyhow. i hope i get to talk to someone about that movie soon. i'm gonna read some reviews now. it DID inspire me to build some dioramas, in a wierd way. they had this cool NYC cityscape that was made out of cardboard or something - that made me so happy every time they'd show it, i don't know why. but i thought that would be a cool thing to build: miniature cities. alot of work though, for sure. but hey i'm unemployed, what else am i gonna do. peace out.

call me Master

ok i'm doing THE CLEANSE. the MASTER cleanse - after hearing random folks and friends and relatives talk about it for the last 10 years. all i drink (or eat) is water with lemonjuice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper in there. and then i can drink licorice or peppermint tea. and i'm supposed to drink salt water in the morning and herbal laxative tea before bed. for 10 days this is supposed to happen. but it aint gonna. i'm tellin ya right now. i'm on hour #4 or so and i'm about to crack. i came into this coffeeshop and ordered my licorice tea and felt instantly MALIGNED that they now (suddenly) carry the best vegan cookies in town (by Black China Bakery, FYI) - they're shortbread cookies tha are heart-shaped and half-dipped in chocolate with crushed pistachios stuck to the chocolate. YUMMERS. anyway, i can't have that. cuz i'm gettin all CLEAN.

it's funny how instantly you realize the strength of your relationship to food. lord howdy. and for that matter - your (my) relationship to EMAIL. it is another sort of sustenance in a way. i sat here drinking my tea all happily, checking email - and as soon as the email was done/gone, i instantly thought about getting a snack. hmmm...

so physically, as a point of reference for this fast and its effets on Ye Younge Body that i inhabit, i would like to note the following conditions as of today:
*severe pain in right shoulder/neck/rhomboid
*consistently-threatening headache -- which is to say, a fair amount of sinus pressure. really sore occiput and pretty tender forehead and top-of-head
*CRAZILY tight hips. for quite a while now
*pretty depressed mindset, to be honest. total feeling of directionlessness. that's a bummer.

yeah - i do NOT know what to do next. i'm trying to be "open" and let my heart answer these questions - cuz god knows the craziness in my mind can't figure this important shit out... although as i just left my friend's house in the mountains, i DID say out loud, to myself "i want to live in the country." so there i go, i suppose. that's a start, i guess.