ok i'm doing THE CLEANSE. the MASTER cleanse - after hearing random folks and friends and relatives talk about it for the last 10 years. all i drink (or eat) is water with lemonjuice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper in there. and then i can drink licorice or peppermint tea. and i'm supposed to drink salt water in the morning and herbal laxative tea before bed. for 10 days this is supposed to happen. but it aint gonna. i'm tellin ya right now. i'm on hour #4 or so and i'm about to crack. i came into this coffeeshop and ordered my licorice tea and felt instantly MALIGNED that they now (suddenly) carry the best vegan cookies in town (by Black China Bakery, FYI) - they're shortbread cookies tha are heart-shaped and half-dipped in chocolate with crushed pistachios stuck to the chocolate. YUMMERS. anyway, i can't have that. cuz i'm gettin all CLEAN.
it's funny how instantly you realize the strength of your relationship to food. lord howdy. and for that matter - your (my) relationship to EMAIL. it is another sort of sustenance in a way. i sat here drinking my tea all happily, checking email - and as soon as the email was done/gone, i instantly thought about getting a snack. hmmm...
so physically, as a point of reference for this fast and its effets on Ye Younge Body that i inhabit, i would like to note the following conditions as of today:
*severe pain in right shoulder/neck/rhomboid
*consistently-threatening headache -- which is to say, a fair amount of sinus pressure. really sore occiput and pretty tender forehead and top-of-head
*CRAZILY tight hips. for quite a while now
*pretty depressed mindset, to be honest. total feeling of directionlessness. that's a bummer.
yeah - i do NOT know what to do next. i'm trying to be "open" and let my heart answer these questions - cuz god knows the craziness in my mind can't figure this important shit out... although as i just left my friend's house in the mountains, i DID say out loud, to myself "i want to live in the country." so there i go, i suppose. that's a start, i guess.
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