i need a job

hi.
i think busy-ness makes me more productive. i think this is one of those things everyone generally acknowledges - that structure makes productivity easier. it's easier to squeeze things-you-want in around things-you-need than to simply create what you want on a blank canvas of life. as my friend ben once put it: "the more you do, the more you do." word.

i had these visions, pre-unemployment, of myriad art and craft projects, apartment-paintings, meditation retreats, midweek museum-tours, READING (oh the reading i would do!), sewing classes! pottery classes! screenprinting classes! i'd learn italian!, etc that i'd do with all that free time. alas. here's more or less what i've done:

• got me a boyfriend
• started meditating (regularly!)
• went to germany and israel
• went to a california wedding
• ... ?
• oh - started a Masters program
• applied for one beeellion jobs, to no avail
• tried to sue my old boss
• ... um... read a LITTLE
• contributed RARELY to this blog
• went to costa rica for a week with said boyfriend
• what the hell else have i done? 
• watched a LOT of movies. noteably: The Host, With a Friend Like Harry, ... 
• oh yeah - i've listened to a lot of NPR and read a lot of online news crap
• i exercised alot in the early days of UE, but i resolved in 2010 to Create More & Exercise Less, so now i'm fatter - and dammit - no more creative! sheet. 

you see my point? i am not really ACCOMPLISHING anything. i wonder if other people have had luck establishing some sort of ritual in the face of emptiness. i know this is key - every artist or productive person i've ever talked to about this says its just a matter of SHOWING UP, of creating a ritual, making a habit, etc. why is that so hard? i love ritual! you'd think i'd thrill to create my own - totally free of the constraints of any corporation's schedule! but alas, i just sleep in, hang out chez boyfriend, watch a lot of movies (oh - i have to add that to the list). 

ok - i need to go to class. i'm taking epidemiology this semester - easily my favorite class so far. i like where science and philosophy/concepts meet. 

what is the point of these blogs? the question remains. the next one will be more inspired, je swear...