and hello

**this post was started on feb 9 of 2009 - not sure why i didn't post it... it still seems true - if unfinished.**

2 yearsish since the last post. it is a grey day in nyc, totally my kind of day. a little drizzly and hushed - like a big grey blanket the sky offers with a kindly "i know, i know." i appreciate this. i didn't get much of it in california. all that sunshine feels like a mockery if you have a noggin prone toward pensiveness. there's no NOT going outdoors and NOT enjoying the sunshine and NOT going on a run in beautiful countryside. ok, i'm sort of undoing my own point by listing all these lovely things. it's just that i like the sweet indulgence of a grey day. you CAN drink your coffee indoors and read until you fall asleep on the couch and you have in no way wasted anything. no guilt. i can dig it.

i'm thinking lots of things and don't know what exactly to write about - but i'll start with a short list, for today:

1. this growing sense i have that my life needs more deliberateness. when i think of what others have done with their time on earth, i am amazed and inspired - and reminded that there are as many ways to live as there are ideas about life. that there is no script and that we can actually invent new ways to live. this excites me, and makes me feel open, even just thinking about it.

2. i might open a winebar/cafe in windsor terrace. my friend says its more important to just do it than to worry about "the theme", the look, how-it-will-work, etc. he is smart in this way, and i think i should take his advice and just start.